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February 14 2016

Relationship Advice Through Popular Song Lyrics by Kel Grant

Screenshot 2016-02-14 17.08.59

Valentine‛s Day can be a very stressful day for some; expectations are high, and it can be a major turning point for the better or worse in some relationships. Valentine‛s Day is here and whether you‛re hoping to share an intimate day with your partner, spark a romance or hang out with friends – here are some tips to improve any relationship. Some say that the worst thing in the world is being single on Valentine‛s Day. I disagree; I believe the worst thing in the world is feeling like you‛re single and alone when you have a partner or not being able to enjoy your time together due to petty fights.

#1) ME, MYSELF,AND I: G-Eazy/ Bebe Rexha

It is so important to be yourself and not lose touch with who you are when in a relationship.




Codependency is huge issue couples run into; one partner is so dependent on the other that they both lose independence. Do you catch yourself thinking that your partner can‛t go out with friends because they should be spending time with you or that they can‛t even have friends, especially of the opposite gender, because they only should need you? Do you find you can‛t let them enjoy their alone time without texting you every 5 seconds? If this sounds familiar, you might need a little bit of healthy separation. With codependency you cannot live without the other by your side 24/7, but what happens in this situation is that you‛re leaning so much on them that when they leave you, you‛ll fall flat on your face with nothing to show for it, because you gave it all up to be with your partner. Of course it‛s nice to feel valued and needed, but no one wants to feel the pressure of being responsible for someone‛s total happiness. You have to grow like this, two trees that instead of growing into each other, grow next to each other and have your leaves touch while you both have your own roots. Be two people that can live their lives and at the end of the day always come back to each other and still have that same love. Bring something to the table! No one wants a partner who doesn‛t give them any space and has nothing to offer. Make sacrifices, but don‛t give up who you are and what makes you happy. Drake said it best, “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies, got a lot of people tryna drain me of my energy”. Don‛t let anyone take your energy! Don‛t let someone hold you back, because if they aren‛t along for the ride, then there will be someone else who will be.

#2) STAND BY YOU: Rachel Platten

Don‛t give up so easily.  If you‛re the type of person where when the going gets tough, your first instinct is to break up to avoid getting hurt or dealing with the situation – you‛re doing your relationship more harm than good.  Your partner needs to know that you will stay with them even when you or they are at their worst. Truth is, everyone’s going to hurt you at some point, so you just have to find out who is worth the good times and the bad times.

#3) I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER: Shawn Mendes / Camila Cabello

Mama wasn‛t lying when she said, “honesty is the best policy”. In fact, it should be the ONLY policy. Just tell the truth, because I promise you will always get caught in a lie. Don‛t jeopardize your relationship further by keeping secrets. Put yourself in their shoes.  Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you if something bad happened?  I‛ve been in instances where the fact that someone lied hurt more than what they lied about. Be upfront, sincere and brave, and it will pay off in the end. You‛ll have a clear conscious and your partner will thank you – eventually.



#4) DRAG ME DOWN: One Direction

Most problems couples have stem from lack of confidence or trust in their relationship. It‛s important to establish and evaluate your feelings, and stand by those feelings. If you say you love someone unconditionally, don‛t put conditions on your love! Your relationship is strong enough to withstand almost anything if you let it. Don‛t read all their texts.  Don‛t watch their every move. Instead of constantly questioning their feelings for you or the circumstances, trust that your relationship will sustain itself, and have a little more faith in your partner- it will reduce some of that paranoia.

#5) LET IT GO: James Bay

Pick your battles. If it feels like you are fighting all the time over stupid things – it is probably because you are! Try this; Instead of yelling at your partner for losing the remote or showing up late because of traffic – just try to be pleasant to them because most of their “mistakes” are just them being human or factors that are out of their control. There‛s nothing worse than constantly thinking you have to walk on eggshells around your partner. Chances are you don‛t have to give your partner a hard time about something because they already know what they did wrong, so you putting in your two cents just further complicates the situation. Going along with this; don‛t set traps. You know what I mean.  Don‛t bring up things or ask questions that you know will get you in trouble. We have all been that person, “Would you sleep with her if we weren‛t together?”, “Do you think she is prettier than me?”, “Do you miss your ex?”. No matter how your partner responds to this question, it‛ll start a fight! If they say yes, obviously they‛re in the dog house. And if they say, “no baby, of course not” then you doubt their answer. Stop looking for something to be upset about! If y’all really want work on your relationship – communication is everything. Make an agreement to treat each other better.  Call each other out in a productive way when that agreement is violated, and don‛t hold a grudge. For example, my boyfriend Ben and I have agreed not to curse at each other because no good will ever come of that. If one of us slips, it‛s easier for us to catch ourselves and apologize, because we know we‛ve agreed not to do that. So now we keep opening the doors of communication every day, and we don‛t let insignificant things get in the way.



#5) SORRY: Justin Bieber

When you first get into a relationship, there is no handbook that comes with your new partner, no owner‛s manual, or user guide. But if there were, this would be number one: Know going into the relationship that you are both gonna make mistakes – NO ONE IS PERFECT. I‛m not saying lower your expectations, and get treated like garbage, but just be sincere, honest, and forgiving, because chances are they could make the same mistake more than once. If you‛re the one that needs to apologize, be genuine! There‛s no need to buy them something or write them a song, but you need to let them know that you are sorry for the pain you‛ve caused them and make a conscious effort not to do it again. If you learn one thing from this article, let it be that if you want someone to be honest with you, you have to be approachable. You can‛t scream and threaten to leave them when they tell you something and then expect them to tell you when something else goes wrong. If they feel like they are causing more harm than good, obviously your partner will leave you in the dark. So don‛t let someone walk all over you, but be welcoming to the idea that honesty means not always hearing what you want to hear. Act reasonably, and try to address the situation with an open mind. Instead of flipping out – take a second and think , “Why did they do that?” , “Did they have to tell me?”, “Where do we go from here?”. Make your feelings known but don‛t blow a gasket!

 

#6) LIKE I‛M GONNA LOSE YOU: Meghan Trainer

We all know this person. Just started dating, and they‛ve already picked out the venue for the wedding, what they‛re gonna name their kids, and they are sending their partner screenshots of engagement rings. Woah, woah woah! Don‛t get so caught up in the future.  Enjoy the different stages of your relationship. For me this one really hits home, because my boyfriend is a Marine, so all the time we spend together I really must value, because when he gets deployed, there are no guarantees that he will be back in my arms. It sounds cliche but live in the moment, and enjoy being young and in love. Truth be told, your partner will take your relationship to the next level when they are ready. Don‛t pressure them, because then your dream life together that you‛ve built in your head will never come true.

 

#7) NO ROLE MODELZ: J. Cole

In a relationship, your job is to love and support them, not fix, change, or control them. You don‛t have to love everything about your partner, but accept their flaws – be okay with them exactly how they are, and let them develop into their own person. If you don‛t like that person later on then see ya! Know your role, and check out your love language.  Are you someone that needs words of affection or gifts to feel loved? Or, do you value quality time? Establish what you both need out of the relationship and accommodate each other.

 

#8) PERFECT: One Direction

Don‛t compare your relationship to that of others or previous ones or even some TV fantasy relationship. Each is to their own.  Each is unique, and with that comes unique flaws and strengths.  You simply can‛t expect the same things from different people, in different times under different circumstances. If you keep comparing, your relationship will always fall short, and you‛ll constantly feel like you‛re not with the right person even if they are perfect for you.

 

#9) STITCHES: Shawn Mendes

If jealousy or hard times are taking over your relationship, you need to recognize when the situation is toxic for you. When your relationship goes in an unhealthy direction, you, have two options: Either work on it mutually, or end it and move on with your life. Whichever you choose, make sure you think of your happiness and well being too, not just your partner‛s.

#10) DIE A HAPPY MAN: Thomas Rhett

Most importantly remember to have fun! Do not waste a part of your life fighting over insignificant things and letting situations get you down. On this Valentine‛s Day and every day, reevaluate your relationships, and take it in a better, more positive direction that you both would appreciate and benefit from. Whether you are Netflix and chilling, spending time with the fam, or planning a romantic/intimate day with your partner – make it count! 🙂




Read More by Kel:

Monday Motivator – SFTL Salutes Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Read More Of Our Valentine’s Day Inspiration [here]

Meet Kel:

Kel

Kel

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