In my life, I had always been reliant on other people to make me happy. I needed someone to be there for me and to keep me company at all times; I couldn’t be alone. Being alone scared me, so I surrounded myself with people, strangers, to fill my life up and make me happy. I put myself in relationships to make sure that I had someone I could rely on unconditionally, because I didn’t know how to rely on myself. Once I got out of my long term relationship, I really struggled with myself. I didn’t know how to be alone and how to be happy alone. I went into a depression; an internal sadness that I couldn’t rid of. How do I move on from this? How could I continue my life alone?
Well, I still haven’t figured that out yet, so when I do I will let you know! But there are some things that I have begun to realize. It is okay to be alone! Being alone doesn’t mean you’re a failure, and you have no life or friends; instead, it means that you are strong and confident enough to go at life by yourself, and you don’t need anyone to do it for you. So, when you are hanging out with your “friends” not because you like them, but you have no one else to keep you company, think about if you really need these people in your life. I surrounded myself with people who I pretended were my “friends,” so that I wouldn’t get lonely.
Don’t do this! Instead, really put yourself out there and let your self-confidence shine through. This will allow you to make REAL friends, and people who will genuinely be there for you through your ups and downs.
But remember, you do not need to rely on them. Now, I’m not saying you can’t go to others close to you for advice and help, but you shouldn’t be worrying about how other people will make you happy. Instead, focus on how to do that all on your own. In order to fully accept new people into your life, it is so important to fully understand yourself, and love yourself first. I struggled with this for a long time, and felt like I had zero self-confidence or self-worth. But, it is almost impossible to find true friends and real relationships when you don’t even know yourself, and you are not confident in the person you are. Once you are able to do this, then you will be able to rid yourself of the people you are keeping in your life, who don’t really treat you the way you want or deserve, and move on to finding true relationships that will last a lifetime.
My advice to you is simple. Don’t worry so much about surrounding yourself with people to make you happy; it is more than possible to make yourself happy on your own. Although it may be easier to hide yourself by bringing in others to run your life for you, it will haunt you in the long run. It is not easy, and it is something that I still struggle with. But loving you and allowing yourself to be strong and independent on your own is the biggest step you could take towards happiness. Doing so will allow you to show your true self to those around you, and to create real relationships and friendships with others that will not control your life, but just make it all that much better. Be the owner of your own life; take control and make yourself happy.
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