I have always loved two things: making people laugh, and dressing up. I have a vivid memory walking down the stairs from my room to the dining room for dinner dressed up in plastic heels and a feather boa and blasting Destiny Child’s “Survivor” at the young age of six. Fast-forward, in fourth grade, I was Donald Trump for Halloween, complete with a wig, a leather briefcase, and fake money (I suppose I was a bit ahead of my time with this particular costume). Last Halloween I proudly dressed up as “Pirated Music” complete with a pirate’s outfit and various torrents affixed to my head with Scotch tape.
In this day and age where trick-or-treating is a bit off limits for people our age, the only time to showcase your costume in the college world is at a party. Make a statement this Halloween season with the topical costume that makes people laugh instead of sipping out of your red Solo cup in a sea of cats — you’ll be glad you did.
1. Hillary Clinton
My girl Hillary is obviously a topical Halloween costume choice seeing as she is one of the Democratic presidential candidates! Find a blonde bob wig or pin your hair into an up-do. Find the ugliest blue blazer you can find and pair it with an equally off-putting blouse (sorry, Hil). Complete your look with black slacks, sensible shoes, and an American flag pin if you’re feeling especially patriotic. Incidentally, this could certainly double as a Leslie Knope costume.
2. Donald Trump
Take after fourth grade me and make an appearance as the former host of “The Apprentice.”
Grab your favorite white button-down, red tie, navy blazer, black pants, and dress shoes. For added effect, get tons of paper money and throw it at your fellow party-goers. Oh, and don’t forget the coveted D. Trump coif, available in the form of a variety of wigs on the Internet.
3. The Millennial
Everyone within this multifaceted generation of people knows that we are hard workers, fast thinkers, and innovators. Yet, to the baby boomer, or even the Gen-Xer, we appear, well, just lazy. Take a jab at the non-believers by rocking your pajamas and comically large hair curlers this Halloweekend. Complete the look with a “Hello my Name Is” sticker so you can tell your fellow party-goers exactly what you are.
Dress up as the “Most Influential Kardashian” (kind of oxymoronic, no?) for the night! Grab yourself a light blue/mint green long-haired wig to start. Next, overdraw your lips to achieve the coveted Kylie plump; fill them in with a mauve color. Tan/tight clothes will easily embody the fashion sense of this young starlet. Finish your look with sunglasses that are way too big and the highest heels you own.
5. Brandy Melville
Ah, everybody’s favorite one-size-fits-most brand! And by favorite I mean THE WORST. Sure, I own a few items from this store, but the dresses tend to fit me like shirts and the shirts end up being bras. And don’t even get me started on the pants, skirts, and shorts (one-size-fits-all my ASS, incidentally, the reason I can’t fit into anything). In an era of increasing body positivity,
combating brands and even the media that are constantly body shaming, wear ill-fitting clothes to portray yourself as this brand. Complete your look with a flower crown, a pair of Converse, and perfectly straightened hair.
6. Kim Davis
You know her, you hate her, so naturally you dress up as her. For those of you who don’t know, Kim Davis is a county clerk in the state of Kentucky. Part of her job is to issue marriage licenses to those who come into the office. Why Kim Davis is such a hot topic, making the news and spending a bit of time in jail, is because she denied marriage licenses to same-sex couples (gay marriage is LEGAL FYI) due to her religious beliefs. I’m all for religious freedom, but giving out marriage licenses is literally your JOB, dude! Kim Davis is usually seen rocking a colored short-sleeve shirt with a white long-sleeve underneath. Finish your look with a skirt, wire-frame glasses, and some Crocs (I assume this is the footwear of choice for this terrible woman). If you’re feeling especially sPoOkY, don a backwards snapback to really convey the irony of Kim Davis…nothing is scarier than breaking the law and being reinstated at your job after you’ve served jail time!
You’ve seen people dress up as the classic ’70s hippie complete with a tie-dyed shirt and John Lennon-esque frames (if you don’t know what I’m talking about click here). For a topical twist, dress up as the modern day hippie, the vegan! Grab your favorite recyclable Whole Foods bag. Refrain from showering for a couple days and wear only handmade, organic clothing. Let your hair turn into dreadlocks, slip on your favorite Birkenstocks, and haunt every party-goer at your Halloween party with a Kombucha in hand! (This costume is dedicated to my vegan/gluten Free Dad…shout out to Eddie!)
8. Social Media
Everybody’s favorite time-suck! You can pick your favorite platform and really embody its essence. Alternatively, you can dress up as all of them! Tape the logos of various social media platforms to your all-black outfit (all black so the aforementioned logos really stand out). Complete your look with screenshots of your favorite Instas, Snapchats, Facebook posts, and viral videos. Tie various computer and phone chargers around your arms to exemplify how suffocated we are by our love/hate relationship with technology.
9. College Freshman
We’ve all been victim to the horrible, horrible fate of the freshman, so what better way to celebrate your escape than by portraying your old, embarrassing, awkward self. Wear your student ID proudly around your neck, a t-shirt boasting the year you graduate, and your college mascot. Take a pillow and stuff it into your shirt to mimic the way-too-real Freshman 15 (I suffered from the BU 22 but that is neither here nor there). Appear overly eager the entirety of the night, no matter how bored you are. Take lots of Snapchats so you can prove JUST how much fun you’re having!
Nothing is scarier than gender equality (ooOOoooh!). Contrary to some beliefs, the feminist doesn’t really look a particular way. The feminist can be any gender, race, age, religion, etc. So, just show up this Halloween as yourself. Scare the masses with your frightening sense of self and desire for equal rights!